In case anyone else doesn’t read the intro pop up or the info got lost in the new Halloween Wish Tree Casino Event, The new update made heart trials easier! (10/24/2019) A lower score is now needed to pass levels. I personally improved about two heart trials levels per charactecategory (first try is free, so everyone can retry Victor and Gavin today no matter how many keys you have) With two fully leveled and starred up SSR (and one SR) I can now make it to Mid x level for favored attributes. Great for people who are stuck Ascending past the photo frame. Other tips for Heart Trials:
in the early stages, fully leveled SSR are better than SR, even if it’s 2300 Affinity vs 300 Affinity on the Affinity tests, the SSR is going to give more total points. Same with SR vs R cards.
remake 3 daily on your highest tier stage if you don’t need a specific attribute. You get more rewards this way.
upgrading your experts a lot will add to your company score which will help you pass if you’re under 100 pts from passing and have a lot of gold to spare
a previous update added a Store to heart trials so you can still earn mid tier X without making it to the second tier. You do need ascended cards with mid tier level ups to get the score needed to get to mid tier so definitely use the heart trial store.
if you don’t know which card will score higher, use them both on any level you haven’t passed yet. You can try any unpassed level for free without paying a key. And within a category, your cards will always get the same score. (i.e. Gavin’s Close Call on Execution Test 1-3 or 1-5)
Feel free to comment with other advice or questions
Casino Heist Gold Glitch Vault Strategy / Decision Tree
Update 6/27: New decision tree & more content has been uploaded here. Decision Tree:https://i.imgur.com/MTPsozc.png Hi all, this is my first attempt at creating some content for this sub, but I did this to try to simplify my vault attack strategy. Background:
Lots of users have created good vault layout guides (Example 1,Example 2), but the user needs to make some decisions.
Comparing your current map with an image showing 6 different layouts (going 1 by 1) isn't the the most optimal.
Some have learned to identify key vault features to quickly identify which layout amongst the 6 they have, but it's not well documented.
Personally, I've gone in, and when I don't get the most ideal vault layout, I freak out and I forget all the things I taught myself to look for, and I start hacking the wrong door.
Sometimes your partner is just an average player, so you want to give them simple instructions on which carts to hit while you do the hacking. The easier the plan is, the easier it is to coordinate.
While I believe hacking speed is important, hacking the right doors to me is just as important.
The goal of this is to simplify the decision making process as much as possible so you can make them easily and quickly and focus on maximizing your gold haul. Credit goes toWarWithVarun-VarunandTrueInfinitefor their vault layout guides as an inspiration. Feedback would be appreciated! Edit/Updates:
Decisions using diamond shapes, following MS Visio flowchart style
Added some more clarifications and some interesting stats to help figure out how much you can grab.
This is optimal for Big Con or Silent & Sneaky Approaches where you have the full time in your vault. Aggressive strategy may need to be re-tuned and you likely have to settle for 4 carts duplicated at most as you simply don't have time.
Edit 2: I think there's room for debate on which exact carts for each player to grab or duplicate. I feel the hacking strategy is pretty optimal to open up the right carts quickly, but in terms of how you want to prep / divide up carts, there's a lot of wiggle room. For instance, depending on how fast the hacker is, the other player could be setting up all the open carts for duplication. Edit 3: No one pointed out that Door #4 is completely unnecessary. The decision tree can be simplified significantly as vault layout #2 can also just hack door #3. I can't believe I missed out on such a basic mistake. I only figured this out because I got Layout 2, ran to Door #3, saw H and freaked out but later realized it was a totally valid choice. I plan on updating this guide in a bit with details, videos, screenshots, etc to help everyone out more.
Go ahead, downvote me to hell. 1. Why would they make FH4 Britain? It's damn boring, and so much trees is just something inappropriate. I'd kill for these trees to never appear anywhere ever again. It's like, wanna win the freeroam rush? Go ahead, play the tree casino. Well, I'm just hatin' now, alright. Aussie was better tho. Oh, also something about this freeroam rush.
Why can't I pick an exact type of online competitive adventure?
I'm not a cross-country racer, alright? Not fun for me. Then why should every goddamn race in the online adventure be 3 rally + 2 freeroam rush (which is essentially a cross-country event) or a whole 5 pack of freeroam? Calibrated today. 2 races out of 10 were road racing series. Fix plz. I just want to choose what I want to race today.
No punishment for pushing your opponent of the road.
I know it's an arcade game, and I should go to Motorsport, but guys, really? It's a semi-sim racing game, it should be at least competitive, not just "pick the heaviest car possible and crush 'em all"-type. So I'm leaving. Some good arcade racing game coming in September, see ya there. Can't wait for horizon 5 though, hope it'll be better. Good luck, guys.
For the past couple of weeks my anxiety has been flaring like crazy and it's been taking a hit on my everyday life. I work mostly closing shifts and get home around 1:30am, sometimes 8-9 days in a row. Working this load has made me feel closed and unable to have time for myself and time to relax. Well the other night I was driving I had experienced a slight panic attack and was in a car full of friends from a night out. They were having fun and blasting music and I didn't want my anxiousness to show and ruin the fun for everyone (this is a problem I have with my anxiety, I just throw it on others and its a slight fear of mine because it has ruined a lot of relationships). Anyways, I had remembered some meditating methods I researched before and forced myself to just try them. So I started making random ass things. 74mph. Tree. Casino. Billboard for a car dealership, and other things I saw. For some details, I have the type of anxiety where I literally cannot stop thinking about the absolute worse scenarios no matter the size of the situation and it EATS at me. But at my most relaxed I'm still thinking like crazy, but just not shit that stresses me out but more in a A.D.D. type state lol. So obviously when pointing out random things, I start to over think about them. "How much does that casino make in a day?" "How many bathrooms does it have?" "How much are toilet paper expenses?". Literally just random shit like that. AND IT WORKED lmaoo I calmed down in an instant and joined my friends in singing and having a good time in the car ride home! So it's a little different from the other ways people practice mindfulness, but it's a method I found for myself and I'm really proud of it. It's been a couple days and I haven't had a panic attack and I've been in my most relaxed state of mind I haven't felt in a long time.
Massive Dump Of Things I Noticed On My Fourth Viewing - Feel free to add anything I may miss!
So today I went to go watch Zootopia again, except this time I brought a pen and paper with me with the intent to note down everything I noticed during the viewing. And well, things got a little out of hand and I have way more point than I bargained for. So prepare yourselves for a massive list of Easter eggs, references, observations, and more! I'll do my best to split it up by category in an effort to keep it neat. So here we go: Zootopian Companies, Brands and Stores: • The Cat doing the sound effects for the play uses a Catsio Keyboard • The boy sheep bullied by Gideon Gray is wearing a “Cloven” brand T-shirt • The truck that almost runs into nick outside of Jumbeaux’s Ice cream parlor is for a “Fresh Doe Bakery • There is a store in Tundratown called “Fishtown Market”. I’m not sure if this is what people are referencing when they talk about the fish restaurant in the movie, but it looked to me like it was located in a place called Fishtown rather than being a place that serves fish. • There is a “Lucky-Cat Café” in Little Rodentia - a reference to Big Hero 6 • One of the News Stations at the press conference is “Action Gnus” • Other random ones: Urban Snoutfitters, Tuskie Brand Ice cream, Kodiak, Zuber, Frozen Yakgurt, Furs National Bank, Outmouse apartment complex, Trader Doe’s, Hooflocker, Hungry Maw Frozen Dinner, MuzzleTime, Thygmo-Taxis, Targoat, Mousey’s, Cub Soda, Bad Boa junk shop, an “Ottermotive” store, Itreea The World of Zootopia: • There are 12 Ecosystems/Districts in Zootopia including: Sahara Square, Tundratown, Little Rodentia, The rainforest district, Savanna Central, The Meadow District, The Canal District, Canyonlands, and The Marshlands • The front of the train from Bunnyburrow is shaped like a bear’s head • A Gazelle concert is being advertised on the marquis of the Palm Tree Casino/Hotel in Sahara Square. • Nick Lives on Cyprus Lane in Savanna Central • According to the sign on the gate, Tundratown Limos is open Monday-Friday from 8:00 AM -5:00 PM • City transportation is run by the ZTA – Zootopia Transit Authority, whose motto is “Get Mooooving” • The front of the oncoming train in the chase scene is shaped like a Rhino’s head Possible Errors in the Film: • As seen on multiple calendars, Zootopia takes place during a month with 30 days, were the 1st is on a Friday, and the 30th on a Saturday. According to cesartheking The press conference takes place on May 18th. However, there are 31 days in May. This might be an oversight by the Zootopia Team. • Judy never peels the backing off of the “Junior ZPD” sticker she gives to Finnick, yet it sticks to Finnick’s jumper right away. • Kevin, one of the thugs that grabs Nick and Judy is wearing a $ necklace, even though a Z with 2 lines through it is the symbol used for currency in Zootopia. Timestamps from the movie • Judy starts her first day at 5:00 AM , and gets back from work at 8:39 PM • Judy and Nick Meet with Mr. Big at 8:25 PM • Mr. Otterton went Savage at 8:15 10 days before being interviewed by Nick and Judy • Mr. Manchas is captured by the Timberwolves at 11:29 PM • Both of the ZNN news report broadcasts we see in the movie are at 6:01 PM Stuff I don’t have a category for: • Aside from the tail in the A, the P in Zootopia’s Logo is also an elephant’s trunk • Before the press conference, Judy hears people mentioning the aggressive nature of predators on 4 separate occasions • The Rhino wearing a T-shirt with a skull on it appears 3-4 times, and the shirt itself shows up at least 4 times. • Clawhauser has a Gazelle snow globe on his desk • Of the 14 missing mammals, 5 of them are bears (2 polar, 3 black/brown) 2 are wolves, 2 are tigers, 3 are leopards, 1 is a puma, and 1 is an otter • The van that Finnik drives is a Lobos Z1 • The Ottertons all wear clothing with fish patterns on them • The line of people(?) at the DMV actually advances throughout the DMV scene. It starts with a lion in the shot directly behind Judy, and ends with some hoofed animal. • The ZPD shoulder patch has a silhouette of a rhino’s head looking towards the sky • The voice actress for Young Nick appears to be the same voice actress for Cubert J. Farnsworth from Futurama (confirmed by IMDB) • Bellweather always wears a small metal bell on a chain around her neck • Nick checks both “yes” and “no” on if he has ever been arrested or charged with a crime • Nick is 4 feet and weighs 80 pounds according to his application • Nick lists Night Vision, Sense of smell, and “business savvy” as special abilities. • A movie theater is showing “Star Trek” (can be seen just above the tunnel during the crash) • The park with the kid’s playing soccer has grass patches in a pattern like giraffe fur • The lion that was texting next to the giraffe in the train station is also at the ending concert with the same giraffe. • Nick actually has whiskers, they are just very small and hard to see in most scenes. They can best be seen when Judy hands nick the police application. • Gideon Grey also has whiskers • The pig officer watching Bellweather is different from the one at the DMV – one has green eyes, while the other has blue ones • In the end credits, Mayor Lionheart is reading a magazine called Fancy Cat which has what looks like a housecat on the front. Which is odd because housecats are said not to exist in this worldedit: Byron Howard confirmed on twitter that it is a wildcat. https://twitter.com/ByronPHoward/status/723557188204126208 • Bellweather uses “oh Muttonchops” as a curse. I just found this weirdly dark. Comments/thoughts I have (or responses to things I have already seen here): • Nick does in fact change his shirt from one day to another • I looked at all of the clocks, and none of them use the confusing hybrid between 24-hour and 12-hour time that some people were talking about in the subreddit. • Why does Stu have to explain to Judy what he uses Nighthowlers for? Judy grew up on the farm where they use them so she should know what they are used for. It also does not make sense to claim that they are a recent addition to the farm after Judy had left to become a cop because Judy displays her knowledge of them to Bogo after catching Weaselton. (Bonnie was also bitten by a relative in the past when Judy was younger). I know for sure that I have missed/left out some things so please do comment down below if you have any more, or if you have comments on something I included above. Hopefully we can get a fairly complete list of all the little details in the movie.
[LF] Pinball Table, arcade machine, Palm tree lamp, anything neon/“casino-like” [FT] bells + tip
I’ll pay their prices in bells plus tip you for you time! Don’t have many cool items to trade so I won’t list anything here but I’m open to pure trades, just ask. I've got some stuff I can craft like cherry lamp/speaker, few bamboo items, etc. I got some slot machines from the Pocket Camp tie-in items and decided I wanted to make a ‘game lounge’ in my house, so I’m looking for any game machines or cool lights, stuff like that.
Last year I asked you for 52 albums to listen to throughout 2020. I survived and am asking once again. [IIL] MUSIC! I want to listen to 12 new albums this year! [WEWIL?]
I'm cutting back. 52 was WAY too much to handle. I almost missed a couple because I kept forgetting. So instead I am asking for 12. One for each month. Recommend me anything. Albums you like. Albums you hate. Albums you are okay with or even never listened to. I want it all. Expand my horizons. Last years list will be linked at the bottom, but of those the ones I liked the most were: Rush - Moving Pictures The Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed Supertramp - Breakfast In America Rush - 2112 At The Drive-in - In/Casino/Out Tool - Fear Inoculum I also took the liberty to listen to new albums not recommend. Of those my favorites were: The Beatles - White Albun The Beatles - Revolver SOAD - SOAD SOAD - Mezmerize SOAD - Toxicity Peter Frampton - Framptom Comes Alive Tool - Lateralus Eagles - Hotel California Here is the list of every album of 2020 So with all that said. . . Whatcha got Reddit??? Here is the list of every album of 2021 in order:
Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Talking Heads - Remain In Light
Frank Ocean - Blond
Hendrix - Both Sides of the Sky
The Who - Tommy
A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step
Paul Mccartney - Ram
Porcupine Tree - In Absentia
Genesis - Selling England By The Pound
Steely Dan - Pretzel Logic/Royal Scam (I couldn't pick :P)
Outkast - Aquemini
Arcadia Gray - Konami Code
I'll be listening to some of the other albums recommended as time goes on. Thank you for all the recommendations, and happy listening, Reddit.
Not anti-lockdown, but I'm just so tired of the way this has been handled. I feel robbed and angry.
I have missed out on so many of what are supposed to be the most important moments of my life. My graduation, my first year of university, my 18th birthday, hell I never even got to say goodbye to my old classmates because I was sick on the last day of school. I was a good person and followed all the health orders, naively believing that if we could all just show some goddamn solidarity and have some of that good old human resolve we could get through this. Of course Alberta had to do what they do best and LARP as Texas. Feed right into all the crazy conspiracy theorists and drag their feet when proposing ways to manage this virus. Sucks, but one of the joys of living under a conservative government, freedom amirite! (except for those indigenous people on reserves and struggling workers, they don't count) Something about these last few weeks just fucking broke me. They say they were hesitant about restrictions for mental health, cause nothing's better for the old noggin than a trip to the casino to play some slots and drink your feelings away. Because that is obviously so much safer than having a single, also socially distanced friend over to watch a movie together. The UCP had the gaul to say that restaurants and stores aren't causing spread and that indoor gatherings are the real issue, when we don't know where 80% of cases come from and tons of studies worldwide have shown this claim to be bullshit. I get banning indoor gatherings, but then restraunts and non-essential businesses should be off the table too. And of course today Kenney gets up on his little stepstool podium to announce new restrictions. Thank God. Oh wait? What's that first one? No outdoor gatherings at all? You mean the THING THAT NEARLY ALL HEALTH EXPERTS HAVE UNILATERALLY AGREED UPON BEING ONE OF THE SAFEST ACTIVITIES RIGHT NOW? But thanks Kenney, thanks for keeping my mental health in check. My mental state totally wasn't hinging on that date I planned to go for a walk and look at the lights downtown with a girl I've had a crush on for ages. At least I can go to West Edmonton Mall and spend all my money on useless garbage surrounded by antimaskers and inbred trailer trash, I'm sure that'll keep me off the ledge for awhile longer! But now stores are limited to 15% of fire capacity, that'll definitely help right? Anyone ever looked at fire capacity numbers? They are fucking absurd. The tiny little Dollar Tree near my house can have 30 people inside and still be under 15%, Best Buy can have over 100. A Best Buy with 100 people inside is still busy, I don't care what the fire code says. 15% sounds low, but it's not, and I can only assume it's a misinformation tactic to calm people down. If you've read this far I think you might be just as insane as me, but what else do you have to do but stay inside and doomscroll through social networks while the world falls apart. But hey. Mental health is important right? After all that's why we avoided this lockdown until the one time of year where lonely people are known to kill themselves. I wish I could tell Jason Kenney to go fuck himself, but he already jerked himself off for 2 hours straight today on live TV.
Yes, it's my truck and No, I won't help you move and No, you can't buy it for 50 bucks!
This is long, so grab a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever keeps you happy and reading. I live in a senior housing community for people aged 55 and older. We all have identical 1-bedroom cottages that’s set up in groups of four or quads so that all of our front doors face inward toward each other. So, if I open my front door, I have a very clear view of the front doors of my 3 neighbors and because I am in the back of this quad, I also have a view of the parking area. I think the purpose of grouping the houses this way was to create a friendly and safe atmosphere; however, it’s just creepy in a “you have no privacy” kind of way. I am F57, disabled, and have a 16-year-old pickup truck that gets me where I need to go most of the time. If you’ve ever owned a pickup truck, you’ll understand my frustration. If you haven’t owned one, talk to anyone who has and they will tell you that according to friends, family, acquaintances, neighbors, and even complete strangers, you have it so that you can help them move, haul furniture or a tree they cut down, and anything else they can’t fit in the trunk of their car. AND because it is a pickup truck, it can be mistreated, abused, dented, scratched, beaten up, and treated like a piece of heavy construction equipment and you shouldn’t care because well. . . it’s a truck. I have a neighbor (F - about 65 years old) that has kind of made a pest of herself since the day I moved in. I’ve done my best to be neighborly, nice, and accommodating, but each time I interact with her, I’m left feeling used. The neighbor, let's call her Karen, has come over pretending to want to visit with me, which she does for about 2 minutes, and then asks me for something. In the 3 years that I’ve been here, she’s asked me to set up 2 TVs (at different times), take a new alarm clock out of its packaging and then teach her how to operate it. I’ve been asked to fill out her food stamp paperwork, fill out information for her lease renewal, read a piece of mail to her and explain it because she didn’t understand it, to take her places and to “loan” her money for the bus. That’s just a few. Now that you get the idea of what I’ve dealt with before, it’s time for the story. One Monday morning, Karen comes beating on my door (she does what I call a “cop knock” – loud, hard, and repeated) around 8 a.m., waking me up. (I am a night owl, by the way.) I go to the door and she is standing there holding her natural gas bill telling me how she needed a ride to the gas company's office to talk to them about paying the bill and hands me the bill. I look at it, hoping to find a phone number for her to call, but there isn't one, but I do see that her bill is for about $17. So, I take her across town with her providing the directions since I had never been to this building (the gas company did not have an office in town, so I guess this was maybe a payment center). I drop her at the front, park, and wait for her. Karen comes out saying that they can't help her there and asks me if she should just call them to make arrangements to make payments since she didn't have the money. I tell her that's what I would do and bring her back home. We basically made this trip for nothing. Two days later, there is another loud, repeated banging on my door waking me up just before 9 a.m. Karen is back and seems to be a little frantic. She needs a ride again. This time she's very vague about why she wants to go, but left me with the impression that something was going to get turned off, repossessed, or turned over to collections if she didn't go. She's also vague as to where she wants to go. She keeps tell me that it's down by the casino, across the street from the gas station. I told her I'd take her but she would have to point me in the right direction since I've never been to the casino. She gives me turn by turn directions until she has me turn left onto the entrance road for the casino. I'm looking around for any other businesses or even the gas station and I'm not seeing anything other than the casino in front of us and open land on either side. So, I ask her where am I supposed to be dropping her. Karen points to an upcoming sign and says, "See the sign that says 'Valet'? Just follow that sign." Yep, you guessed it, Karen had me drop her at the front entrance to the casino. She'd lied to me by omission. She didn't ask me to take her to the casino (which I would probably have done since it's none of my business how she spends her money), she asked me to take her to a business near the casino. Yeah, well, I wasn't happy. On Monday she couldn't afford to pay her $17 gas bill and on Wednesday she's going to the casino by tricking me into taking her. A week goes by and I am in the office paying my rent when Karen comes in. Karen: Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here today. Girl, I just walked all the way here. Me: Didn’t know you needed a ride. I can give you a ride back to the house if you would like. I wait while Karen pays her rent and we walk out together. Now, I’m expecting to get in my truck and drive the 4 blocks back to my house. Karen had another idea. Karen: Take me to Everything’s Cheap store. Me: Where? Karen: To Everything’s Cheap. Just turn here at the stop sign and I’ll show you. It’s not far. Me: Karen, I’m going to take you there, but I’m not shopping and I’m not going to sit in the parking lot and wait for you. You’ll have to get another ride home or walk. Karen: It’s fine. I won’t be long. I drop her at the front door and I go home. A couple of hours later, she bangs on my door. Karen: Where did my ride go? Me: Home. I told you that I wasn’t going to wait for you. Karen: I had all my stuff that I had to carry home. Now my back hurts. Me: I’m sorry, but I warned you. Karen walks away muttering things that I didn’t understand and slammed her door. Skip ahead several months and I run into Karen again as I am paying my rent. She wants me to give her a ride to the Social Security office. I tell her that I can't as my truck is not running right and I can't get too far from home in it until I get it check out and fixed. My truck started having issues and it's been difficult trying to get it fixed with lock-down, a back issue that left me bedridden for several weeks, and 2 major hurricanes this year (there’s nothing major wrong with the truck - just needs a new starter and gaskets to fix an oil leak that's caused the starter to go bad). Karen: But it's just a few blocks away and it's hot out here. Me: I can't trust my truck not to leave me stranded with no way to get it home. Karen: It will be fine. Me: Maybe, but I'm not willing to risk it. Karen slaps the side of my truck and continues on her walk and I go home in my truck. Another 3 days go by and more banging on my door and again I am awakened (it's 7:15 a.m.). This time I'm angry and I snatched the door open. Me: What? Karen (standing there with her purse and house keys in her hand as if she knows I'll say yes): I need to go to the mattress store. I need to pick up my new queen size mattress. Me: No. My truck still isn't running right. Karen: But I need your truck to haul the mattress home. Me: No. Karen: It's not a heavy mattress. Me: Oh, so who’s going to help you get it in and out of my truck and carry it into your house? Karen: The two of us can do it. Me: Karen, I have degenerative disk disease. The disks in my spine are disintegrating. I can't lift nor carry a mattress even with someone helping. Karen: But I already bought it. How am I going to get it home? Me: Call friends or family to help you. Karen: They don't have a truck and you do! Me: Yes, I have a truck, but there is no sign anywhere on it that says Free Moving Company. I close the door on her and go back to bed. An hour later, more knocking. This time, it's an older man. Man 1: Excuse me, but is that your truck? (He points at my truck in the parking lot.) Me: Yes. Man 1: I have an upright piano I need to move and was wondering if I could use your truck. Me: No. (I glance over at the neighbor's house and I see her peeking through a crack in her door - I have a sneaking suspicion she has put this guy up to this to see if I would help him.) Man 1: You can drive the truck. I just need to have the piano hauled to my storage unit. Me: How are you going to get an upright piano into the bed of my truck? Man 1: I'll just roll it up a ramp and into the back. Me: Do you know how much an upright piano weighs? One person can't push it up a ramp. If you use a ramp on my tailgate, you will break the tailgate and probably lose the piano in the process. My truck is large, but the rear end is not made for hauling a piano and will cause the front end to lift off the ground preventing my front wheel drive truck from gaining traction and straining my 16-year-old engine. Man 1: Well, could you call 4 or 5 of your male friends to help lift it into the back of the truck? Me: No! I close the door on this man, too. He didn’t come right out and say it, but I felt like he wanted to borrow my truck so he could go pick up the mattress for Karen. Yeah, I’m a little suspicious. The following morning . . . *sigh* . . . I ignore the knocking that occurs every half hour or so over a 3-hour period until she finally gives up. Later that afternoon, I open my door to get the mail out of my box when a second man approaches me out of nowhere. It’s like he was hiding around the corner waiting for me to come out of my house. Man 2 (points at my truck - it irritates me every time someone does this): Is that your truck? Me (feeling very annoyed and snarky): What gave it away? Is it because it's parked in a space clearly labeled with my house number? Or is it because someone told you who the truck belonged to? (I point at Karen's house.) Man 2: Does it run? Me: Listen, I don't know what you're wanting me pick up, deliver, move, haul, transport, or tow, but I am not a moving company, taxi, uber, delivery service, or a tow truck. I won't be doing any of those things and before you ask, I won't be allowing you or anyone else to drive my truck either. Now, do you have any other questions? Man 2: Uh, do you want to sell it? Me: What?! Why would I want to sell it? Man 2: Well, since it needs fixing, I thought maybe you would want to sell it to someone who could afford to fix it. Me: How do you know it needs fixing? Man 2 (turns bright red and can't take his eyes off ground): I just thought if you sold it, you could buy something else and I could fix the truck. Me: Tell Karen that I'm not selling you my truck so that you can fix it to give to her. Man 2: I wasn't going to give it to her. Me (pointing at his huge truck parked in Karen's designated space): You want me to believe that you would rather have my 16-year-old truck that needs repair than your brand-new truck? How stupid do you think I am? As the older man silently stares at the ground, Karen flings her door open and marches up to me. Karen: Just sell him your truck so he can fix it. You clearly aren't going to do it any time soon. At least I will put it to good use. I need it and I need it more than you apparently do. Now, he’s willing to get it fixed for me, so just sell him the damn truck already! Me: My truck is not for sale! When or if I get my truck fixed is absolutely none of your business. Karen: I’m going to call the office and tell them that you have a broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot that needs to be hauled to the junk yard. They’ll make you get rid of it or fix it. Man 2: Karen, they can’t do anything to her . . . Karen cuts him off. She’s so angry, she’s crying, shaking, and spitting as she screams Karen: SHUT UP! STAY OUT OF THIS. I WANT THAT TRUCK AND I’M GOING TO GET IT! I’LL CALL THE POLICE. THEY WILL MAKE HER GET RID OF IT. Man 2: Karen, the police aren’t . . . She cuts him off again. Karen: YES, THEY WILL. THEY'LL LISTEN TO ME. She storms off to call the police. In the meantime, I brought a chair outside along with a can of soda and a bowl of microwave popcorn. I figured this was going to be a good show. Karen and Man 2 have gone inside her house to wait. The neighbor to my left has come out to see what’s going on. Let’s call her Mary. Mary can’t stand Karen, so she drags a chair out and sits next to me and we share my popcorn. Enter Cop 1 and Cop 2 The cops arrive in about 5-6 minutes and walk up to Karen’s door and knock while glancing around at Mary and me and grinning. She answers and tells them that I have created an eyesore in the neighborhood by having an old beat up, broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot and she wants it removed immediately. Cop 1 (pointing at my truck - yep, he does it, too and I can't help but roll my eyes): That truck? Karen: Yes. Cop 1: That truck is clean, shiny, no dents, no scratches, new tires . . . are you sure that’s the eyesore? Karen: Yes. It’s 10 years old and broken and she doesn’t want to fix it. It’s just sitting there doing nothing for months. Me: It’s 16 years old. Cop 2 (spins around, surprised): Seriously? That truck is that old? Wow! It’s in great shape. You’ve taken good care of her. Me: Thank you. Karen: I want that truck gone! Cop 2 walks over to me to discuss my truck’s mechanical history. So, I explain to him that in the 16 years that I have owned her, I have changed her oil every 3-4 months, given her a bath once a month, got her a new set of tires 6 years ago, and when I first began having problems with her starting, I bought a new battery (the old one was the original battery from when I bought the truck off the showroom floor), and when the battery wasn’t the problem, I had a mechanic come and look at it. He determined that it was the starter and the gasket was leaking. All I was waiting on was my friend to come and help me start her (someone needs to get under the truck and tap the starter while someone else turns over the ignition) so that I can get it to the mechanic’s house for him to work on it. Karen: She’s lying. That truck hasn’t moved in 3 months. Me (offering popcorn to Cop 2 who took a handful): Wrong. It hasn’t moved in 4 days. It’s had problems for 3 or 4 months. Cop 1: Ms. Karen, there really isn’t anything the police department can do for you. Her truck definitely isn’t an eyesore nor is it sitting there in pieces creating a safety hazard. Karen: She’s driving down property values. Cop 1 (starts chuckling): Ms. Karen, you are renting a house in government subsidized senior housing. Cop 2: Why don’t you tell us the real reason why you want her truck removed. Mary (who has been silent until now - stands up and turns on her best diva soul-sister voice and attitude and gives the cops the greatest Deep-South Beautiful Black Woman sermon I’ve ever heard – I’ll try to write as best I can): Ohh, Lawd Jesus, help us all! Dis here woman of the night, want everything she can’t have, Lawd! I think it’s cuz she pulls her hair back so tight, Lawd, she can only see what’s in the back o’ her mind! Uh huh! She wants her Old Saggy Boy Toy of the Day here to buy my friend’s pick’em up truck, so she can go and pick’em up, Lawd, mm-hmm, if ya gittin' what I’m sayin’. He buy it and trade it to her for a little roll on her nasty sheets! Lawd Jesus, help us! And she think she all hot and sexy so you believe her and take away my friend’s truck. She a fool, uh huh. She think she can fool you, too, uh huh! How da hell do ya think she got those 2 big ass TVs in there? Mmm-hmm! Cop 1 is bent over laughing hysterically while Cop 2 is standing with his mouth open and his eyes wide. Cop 2 (turns to Man 2): Is any of that true? Man 2 (embarrassed, humiliated, and just looking tired): She wanted the truck and 50 bucks. Karen and Man 2 are arrested. Not sure what the exact charges were but I heard words being thrown around like pandering, solicitation, scamming, and false complaint among others. A couple of days later, Mary told me that Karen returned home. I guess she found a way to get bailed out. I haven’t seen her and I am hoping that I don’t. As for my “pick’em up truck”, I’m still waiting to get her to the mechanic. My friend will be here on his next day off (he doesn't get them often) to help me. It’s a good thing I’m a patient person with a super diva as a friend and neighbor. It's also good to know that my truck is at least worth one 20-minute roll on the sheets and 50 bucks. EDIT: Thanks for the awards everyone! And just a little side note for those of you rolling your eyes at the fact that I offered a cop popcorn and he took it - I live in the Deep South in a small-ish college town. The cops here are helpful, friendly (until provoked), and generally good guys. When construction workers stole from me after Hurricane Laura, two cops came to investigate and afterwards I offered them both a bottle of water and they accepted.
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